14 August 1998 - legal agreement

By reading this joke you affirm that the Daily Whale, its heirs, assigns and successors, may undertake an investigation whereby information is procured including but not limited to your character, reputation, education, credit history, criminal record, other facts and/or equivocal speculations, and all other information pertaining or not pertaining to you. You hereby authorize anyone in possession of such information, especially Kenneth Starr, to communicate it to international news media for immediate dissemination.