23 February 2001 - Answer Bot: spying

Are you puzzled? Who is not! Ask the Instant Answer Bot! I cut answers like salami, fold them up like origami, better than your dad or mommy or a Hare Krishna swami. What’s the problem? You say you want to keep secrets, but the world keeps spying on you with corrupt capitalists like Robert Hanssen? Why do you want secrets, so you can feel smug about your inside jokes? Oh, so you’ll have an advantage in war, that’s not very nice. But you do have two bits, right? I’m a robot, I need my bits.

My answer: Hey you guys, you need spies! Let small fries analyze to the skies! Your country has plenty of advantage already, and the trick to fix the gig is to help the little kids see for themselves that you can conk their noggins. And if that doesn’t work, I have another answer—hold on—just give me a few millisec—got it! To keep a secret, don’t tell anybody. Twenty five cents, please.