about the Daily Whale

The Daily Whale is a short satirical piece, epigram, humorous social comment or other rabid attack, written by Jay J.P. Scott and wickedly intended to undermine the moral foundations of civilization and promote my own ascension to King of the World. I think it’s funny, but then, I write it.

Jay Scott : Daily Whale : about the Whale

Each day’s Whale appears at midnight, Greenwich Mean Time. The thousands of previous Whales are individually pickled in the archive.

fossil record

The monstrous prehistoric Daily Whale ran from 13 March 1991 to 19 April 1994. There’s a complete list of fossil Whales between those dates.

Finally recovering after a mass extinction, the Daily Whale resumed on 1 April 1998, now highly-evolved and more voracious than ever, and it has been devouring cherished absurdities ever since.

further reading for those who suffer exceptional attention spans

Jonah found one whale ample for a lifetime. But in today’s complex, fast-moving world, you need a Whale every day.

The Daily Whale offers valuable relationship advice,

15 December 1991	A couple who wish to demonstrate the depth of their commitment to each other may take out a marriage license and use it, on the theory that if their love can survive government meddling, it can survive anything.
16 May 1993	Is the romance fading? Nothing revitalizes a cooling relationship like the occasional suicide attempt.

definitions of key terminology, so that you can better understand the world around you,

25 February 1992	subsidize - To allow an industry to lose money beyond its means.
26 February 1992	rationalize - To reorganize an industry in such a way that it becomes irrational.
27 February 1992	nationalize - To seize an industry so that it can lose money for the government, instead of for itself.

insightful analysis and commentary on news events, such as the Los Angeles riots of 1992,

3 May 1992	Yeah, I wanted to go burn down some buildings too. But then I remembered how long the future is.
4 May 1992	Not enough circuses.
5 May 1992	Are there times when it's best to take the law into your own hands? George Washington thought so.
6 May 1992	Are there times when it's best to take the law into your own hands? Say it again in Yugoslavia.

and thoughtful public policy recommendations, such as Stopping AIDS the 1990's Way.

19 March 1994	Stopping AIDS the 1990's Way 1. Terrify the teenagers. Get 'em scared of sex. If it works, this is a win all around, because it not only holds down sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies but also preserves traditional values by destroying happy family life later on.
20 March 1994	2. Use big budgets to attract top-notch medical researchers. Put them in an emotionally-charged political environment, and don't forget to add crazed activists and myopic government policies. None of that intellectual stuff, this is modern science at its best.
21 March 1994	3. Advertising made America great. Advertising can keep Americans alive. For maximum memorability, make all the ads look alike.